Ramblings

I hadn’t thought I would be as upset as I was right now, leaving my city to go back to the capital. I did not dislike my new city, nor did I like it more than this one. But things happen. Yes, things happen, and they happen in the queerest of ways, proposing the worst of consequences and leading to things, feelings, emotions, duties and responsibilities that you had never expected before. Such was this day.

As I sat in the drawing-room, I looked around. The house was all but full. It made me remember those days when our home was being built, when I used to tag along with my father. I had been so interested in seeing the progress of the house. I saw it built from scratch. The pillars first, only the pillars. It was one big room back then. Then came low walls, bricks, but they just marked where rooms would be. Then slowly the walls got higher. And then, the walls kept growing. Not just in the house, but everywhere. The doors and windows came much later, and the washroom I think at the end. It was such a long process. I remember coming each weekend. It was sunny at summer, and pleasant in winter, and I kept coming. The floor was all rough, the walls were only cement then. Then came the plaster of Paris, then the whitewash. The mosaic. I liked the mosaic floors. Red and blue and white they were, small stones, different colors, yet they kept it unified. That was the beauty of having different colors together. They helped it look different, yet they were the same. And wasn’t it supposed to be the same way for man?

And now it stood, almost the same as then. Only the walls have faded in their color, and the floors have turned grey from white. That’s what use changes in things, in people as well. You fade. Sometimes more than in color. Much has changed. I have changed. Let me write a bit about myself; I realized I write a lot about others, but I never give time to myself. So let me ramble a bit about me. Not really about me though, rather how I’ve changed over the years. There was this trend being followed in between when people were digging up old posts on Facebook and commenting on them. They helped me remember how I was three years back. And then of course there is this blog. The content, the style that I wrote in three years before. It makes me sit and ponder upon the thoughts that I had then, and the dreams too. Yes, the dreams, they were very important. Six years back, when I was in my eleventh standard, all busy ‘preparing’ for the IIT JEE, those moments, those days, the tuitions, the coaching classes, school and how everything happened, they come to mind. Sometimes I wish I could go back and lead them a little differently from how I had. But then now I think, what if I did it differently? Would I have the same life as now? Well no, of course not, that is the reason I want to change it, but then, am I not happy with my life now, or how it has turned out to be? Well sure, I could have studied more and got into a more reputed college, but that would snatch away so much of my life that I don’t want to lose. It was destined to be this way, and so I shall let it be that way.

But it’s okay. My life has somewhat turned out good. Except my English, which has become really bad. May be, just maybe, I should take up a course on English again. All those things aside, what am I going to do now? I have written too much in this post. I always end up writing more than I want to. It’s kind of like George R R Martin and his set of books A Song of Ice and Fire. He meant it to be a trilogy, ended up making it a set of seven books. Yet that is where the similarity between us ends. I am no great man as he is, and he has kind of become my idol. Back to this post now, I think it’s time to stop. I will write more later, when I have something on my mind that I want to clear off. I am doing that a lot these days. I keep thinking a lot, and then when I realize I should stop over-thinking, I sit down, and start writing. That helps me keep my mind off thinking about all those stuff, and for the fact that I really don’t think about the next sentence when I am writing. I just write. That makes me happy. Happiness has become a recurring thought in my recent posts. That ought to be a happy thing again, ain’t it?

So long so good. You’ve spent some time reading now, and I think you should get back to your work as well. For me, well I will just go off the laptop and maybe read some pages from A Feast For Crows, or maybe sleep, or just sit in the balcony for the last time. No, I am not going to do the latter because it’s really hot out there and it’s more comfortable in here. I will see you soon, with another post, not mind-boggling, simple one like this one. Maybe I will talk to you about me, or ask you about yourself. Maybe I will talk of dragons, yeah, I like dragons. They aren’t true, but so are dreams, people still aspire to achieve them, don’t they?

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