Toy

The morning arrived with an aroma, an aroma of sweetness, a flavor of brightness, a scent of indeterminable affection, and spread around it the light of happiness, love, affection, passion and gratitude. Today I was awake at 5 a.m., and no wonder, it was my birthday. I rushed down to the hall, and lying there, amongst many other gifts, I could see that special gift. Right now, the heaps of chocolate kept didn’t matter to me, the deodorants and the new clothes did not matter a bit, the basket full of potato chips and “Kurkure” hardly incited any hunger, and the home-made tarts could be taken care of later. Nothing was so important for me, as was this. This, the one which I could see and see and never get tired. This, the one, which meant half my life to me. This, the one, I could staple to my heart and carry it with me all my life. My girlfriend’s gift for me.

A plethora of emotions rushed through my nerves. It was as if the whole world had stopped for a moment, and everything was paused, and I could cherish the moment for as long as I wanted to. Kept on the sofa, was an electric guitar, a coffee mug and a card with a rose. A red rose. Until today I had always got a yellow rose. This was the first time someone had given me a red one. I knew she loved me a lot, I loved her hundredfold. I could keep seeing and seeing and seeing, but I was getting late for school, and I could, by no chance, miss school today. I took the card up in my hands, no, I would read that in front of her in school, when I would be with her. Yes, that would be a good idea.

Beep beep! Beep beep! A message on my cell phone. Quoting, “Happy bday to you, Happy bday to you, Happy bday dear Anindya, Happy bday to you! Ok, now get ready for school. And a request, read the card only after you get back home from school.” A text from her. I read it again. Why should she have such a queer request? Anyhow, I was too excited to figure out anything at the moment, so I dressed up and prepared to leave for school.

In school, to my surprise, she didn’t turn up. God knows why, I thought. I waited for her practically the whole day, wishing she would come to attend at least one period, but no, she did not show her face the whole day. I kept wondering, but got no valid reason for her absence from school that day. Then the last bell rang, and I got back to my vehicle, trudging my way, and went back home.

As soon as I reached home, I rushed to my cell. And sure enough, there it was, a brand new message lying there in my inbox. I opened it. Quoting,

“Hey! Happy birthday again! 🙂 You can now read the card, thanks for keeping my request btw!”

Okay, I thought. Where was this leading to? Puzzled, I went inside my room, took out the card, and prepared myself to read it.

“My dearest has turned nineteen today,
So throw all your problems away,
Enjoy the day, albeit without me,
And forever shall I love thee.”

Queer I thought, why would someone have to write such a strange couple of lines on a birthday card. I continued reading,

“I never wanted to leave you to yourself, but circumstances have forced me to do so. Please do not be upset. Although I am not physically present around you, I’ll always be there for you, whenever you need me, wherever you need me, however you need me. It’s just that I need to go now, a bit far, quite a bit far away from you. And I am sure you are brave enough to manage this by yourself, so I decided to tell everything to you straightaway.

I have a hole in my heart. It’s not something new, it’s been there since I was born. And I am not very sure how long I will be able to sustain my life with this. I do not want to come so close to you that you find it unbearable lest something happens to me. So I am going, far, very far. I hope you understand this and will forgive me.

Happy birthday again, and don’t spoil your mood and the day because of all this. I love you.”

Ok. A moment of silence. I thought I needed to read through the whole thing once again lest I missed out the line where she said, “Lol! I was joking. I am not going anywhere! Haha!” but, no, nothing like that. Twice, thrice, I read it, each time my heart sinking deeper and deeper into the sea of death. Why did all of this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t God give me an equal share as he gave others? Why… Why did He choose to make me a toy, which could be used and thrown, when broken, and was not fit for any seriousness, why?

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